“You must remember to love people and use things, rather than to love things and use people.”
(Venerable Fulton J. Sheen)
I sometimes joke that the only place where we will not struggle with lust is the grave. Lust is something many people struggle with, so I want to make clear quickly that sexual desire is not itself sinful. Attraction and longing for intimacy are part of being human. They are gifts from God, but like all desires, they need to be guided by love and wisdom. Temptation is not the same as consent. Lust arises when sexual desire becomes selfish or focused only on pleasure, and it becomes a personal sin when we freely entertain or act upon it.
What Exactly Is Lust?
The Catechism defines lust as “disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure” (CCC 2351). Sexual pleasure becomes morally disordered when it is sought for its own sake, separated from the loving union of husband and wife and the openness to new life that belong together in marriage. In everyday language, we may speak of a lust for money, power, or attention. Scripture speaks more broadly about desires that can become disordered. Saint John warns about “the desire of the flesh, the desire of the eyes, the pride in riches” (1 John 2:16). These are cravings that pull our hearts away from God.
However, among the seven deadly sins, lust refers specifically to disordered sexual desire. Noticing that someone is attractive or experiencing an unwanted sexual thought is not the same as choosing to lust. Jesus warns us against looking at another person lustfully (Matthew 5:28). The problem is choosing to see someone just as an object to be possessed, used, or fantasized about. This reduces people to warm bodies for our consumption.
Why Is Lust a Deadly Sin?
“Deadly” or “capital” does not mean that temptation is sinful or that every passing thought is automatically a mortal sin. Capital sins are so called because they give rise to other sins and vices (CCC 1866). Lust turns love into use. Love is about giving while lust is about getting. When we love, we are concerned about the good of the person and how we can serve them. Lust tends to be focused on sexual gratification, and it reduces a person to a “thing” or object to be used.
When indulged, lust fosters secrecy, deception, objectification, infidelity, exploitation, and broken relationships. This of course leads to addictive habits that can dictate what we watch, think about, and do.
Why Do We Struggle?
Hormones, emotions, and natural sexual desire are part of being human, and they help explain why sexual attraction feels powerful. Catholic theology also speaks of concupiscence, the wounded tendency within us that inclines us away from what reason and faith recognize as good. It is a consequence of the Fall of Adam and Eve. The Catechism explains that concupiscence is not itself a sin, but it inclines us towards sin (CCC 2515). The inclination is not the sin. What matters morally is how we respond. At times, sexual temptation becomes stronger because of loneliness, anxiety, rejection, stress, boredom, or a desire to feel wanted. Recognizing the deeper need helps us respond wisely rather than fighting the surface urge.
What Is Chastity?
Chastity is not fear of sex or pretending that we have no sexual feelings. It is the “successful integration of sexuality within the person” (CCC 2337). In other words, chastity brings our body, emotions, reason, relationships, and faith into harmony so that our sexuality expresses genuine love instead of selfishness.
Chastity differs from celibacy. Celibacy is a commitment not to marry, usually undertaken for the sake of God’s Kingdom (e.g. religious brothers and sisters and priests). Chastity is a virtue to which every baptized person is called (CCC 2348). It means living our sexuality in a way suited to our state of life. Married people live chastity through faithful sexual love that respects the unitive and procreative meanings of marriage. Unmarried people live chastity through abstinence from sexual acts. Masturbation, pornography, and casual sexual hook-ups are incompatible with chastity. Why? They seek sexual pleasure apart from the complete, faithful, and lifelong self-gift of marriage (CCC 2352–2354). Pornography also trains us to consume bodies rather than encounter people.
How Can We Cultivate Chastity?
First, be open about the struggle by speaking honestly with a spiritual director, priest, trusted mature person, friend or counsellor. Shame and secrecy often make struggles and addictions worse. Professional counselling may help with risky and addictive behaviour.
Second, know your triggers and guard what enters your imagination. This may mean unfollowing certain social media accounts, installing a filter, avoiding situations that weaken our judgement (e.g. alcohol fueled parties) and being careful about what we watch and listen to.
Third, do not just ignore something bad but pursue something better. Saint Paul writes, “So turn from youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace” (2 Timothy 2:22). Prayer, friendship, hobbies, exercise, meaningful work, service, healthy rest, the Eucharist, and regular Confession help us to love and live well. When temptation comes, pause, recognize what is happening, change your environment, pray, and choose to do something else.
Finally, do not surrender after a fall. Confess, identify the trigger and make the necessary changes. Wisdom means reflecting on experience. If meeting someone at a certain time or in a particular setting repeatedly leads you to sin, change the time or place, choose another activity, or establish clearer boundaries.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” (Matthew 5:8). Chastity clears our vision so that we see every person, including ourselves, not as an object or thing but as someone created and beloved by God.
